Book author cracks his own
subconscious mental block.
I was just watching a fantastic video by a musician named Hozier on u-Tube. In his song (Take me to Church) he expresses his frustration with organized religion, and sees his woman as his new church. He says he feels closest to God while having sex. He sings of worship, sacrifice, and amen! As I listened to the words, I suddenly had clarity of my own situation.
I just finished a three-book set called Longue Durée. Through all three books, the main character Louis Bautista doesn’t hide his resentment for organized religion. Things he does, things he allows, and things that he instigates, make it clear that Louis has an inner battle with a bigger power. In book three, Louis is married to a girl that is very religious, and they, after other failed marriages, succeed in becoming parents. By this time, Louis has become very wealthy. Their son has become a research scientist, breaking all the rules of science and God. His wife tries to show him how he is angering God, and Louis, keeps funding his career to prove her wrong. This is just a back-story in the books, and not the main story.
Sometimes writing is a form of therapy. This one has been coming for many years.
Reality, takes more work then writing a book. From the time I was a child my parents pushed religion at me. It was burnt into my mind at an early age; therefore, I am still haunted by the teachings to this day. I spent years in classes, theology, ministry school, and even bible studies at home. I am not a person that blindly accepts something that will shape my life. Things have to be proved to me. I, for lack of a better word, graduated, and was qualified to be a minister. After years of study and research, I kept running into a barrier with each religion. I was not looking for a barrier. I wanted to believe. I do Believe! But, just as in my books, man’s greed and corruption can take the most beautiful gift, and corrupt it.
I grew up in the Bible Belt, Ohio, Indiana, Tennessee, and Kentucky. When you are deeply surrounded by the faith, it’s hard to see beyond the congregation. I moved out of the U.S., back into the U.S., and now live in Florida. I have been in many countries, islands, and oceans, with drastic financial ups and downs. When you get out of your little… space, the big picture gets clearer.
God and I communicate in prayer. Prayer is not for public display and when I pray, it is usually very personal. I must believe? I keep going to him.
I found today that the emotion that drives my writing, and my confusion, is anger. At first, I thought that for some reason I was angry at God, but that didn’t make sense. Hozier’s song, as out there as it is, showed me my problem. The anger is at man’s attempt to use God to manipulate the sheep. It’s never enough, I’m always guilty. I’m tired of feeling guilty. I tried to be a sheep. I can’t do it!
I have written twelve finished books, so far. The inner battle of the author shows in them all. Now that I realize I am doing this, perhaps I will change my style.
Longue Durée book 1, 2, and 3, do a fairly good personality profile of me. I was surprised! Only you will know that! Read book 1, and let me know what you think.
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